So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
