Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
