just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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