Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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