dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize