Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
