First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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