well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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