Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
