I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
