There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
