I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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