well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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