i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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