I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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