Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
