Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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