Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
