So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
