she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
