Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize