Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My penis needs a shock collar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
