Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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