there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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