So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
