We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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