I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
