Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
