I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
