i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
3 2 1 whiskey
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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