She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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