plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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