So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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