we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
