It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
