well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dear god my vagina.
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