I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
