i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
