ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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