u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
