I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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