Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize