I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
