so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
