As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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