a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
