she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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