Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
