just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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