We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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