worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think I am morally bankrupt
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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