So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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