He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
