She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
