But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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