I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have tasted many bathrooms
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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