I wish I could teleport
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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