they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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