their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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