Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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