I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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