my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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