so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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