i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize