Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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