Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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