Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
