Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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