I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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